I Just Got Kissed by a Woman – How a Faith Pledge Led to My First Culture Shock and How to Navigate Your Own

There is no such thing as a leap of faith. More than a mere moment, faith is a conscious, on-going commitment, to embark on a treacherous journey into the unknown guided by trust in a known God. Often, this means leaving a familiar people, culture, and home to become a stranger. As was the case when a financial faith pledge I thought was meant to take me down one journey, ended up taking me down another. I not only received the shock of my life, but a crash course in navigating new cultures, street smarts, and a set of foundational skills for a future I couldn’t comprehend.

This is that story plus revelations on navigating new cultures including: 3 Factors that Shape Culture, 7 Facets of Cultural Expression, and Tips for Adapting to a New Culture.

Culture shock doesn’t teach you about a foreign culture, it teaches you about your own.

There I stood, staring at the pledge card in my hand. Our church—resembling a double-wide trailer on Green Bay’s shabby side—needed a new building. I agreed with the need, but we weren’t wealthy. This would require sacrifice from everyone, and even with complete surrender, God would need to step in.

But as I stared at that paper, that wasn’t the conversation I was having with the Lord.

I’m a pragmatist—or as I prefer, a realist—resistant to emotional appeals for as long as I can remember. Some preacher stirring up excitement wasn’t going to convince me I had money I didn’t. I wasn’t making a commitment I couldn’t keep, especially at church. I’ve read about Ananias and Sapphira. But faith operates outside all that, and I was debating with God whether what I felt truly was faith.

The card read: $100, $500, plus other options, due by September. Just shy of 15, my grandfather had taught me to tithe, which I’d done for years. Ironically, shortly after I began tithing those occasional birthday $5 bills, I got my first babysitting job at a random yard sale. I haven’t been without income since. So I knew God was faithful, but as I felt pulled to circle $500, I hesitated.

I’d never seen $500 at one time. Those babysitting jobs wouldn’t make that happen in six months. My parents couldn’t step in if I failed. My life was school, farm work, and church volunteering. A summer job would mean less church. Is that what you really want, God?

The pull didn’t loosen. $500 it was. Then I realized this was an “announce your pledge” situation. I trembled as I muffled “500” so quietly my mom questioned what she heard.

Then began the months of how. Highly conscientious, faith doesn’t come easily to me. I’d roll in bed concerned I’d fail my commitment. I turned 15, school ended—mid-June—and I wasn’t closer to the money.

Just as I prepared for the “reality” that I’d need to do this alone, my mom got a phone call. Teresa, a close high school friend who’d moved to New York twenty years prior, was having constant babysitter problems with her 4- and 5-year-old boys. Having barely met me, she proposed my mom send me to become their nanny. She’d buy plane tickets, give me part of the house, and pay me weekly.

What happened next, I wasn’t sure who required more faith, her or me as she agreed to put her firstborn—who’d never flown—on my first flight, alone, to be picked up by her friend’s husband who I’d never met, sending me to the largest metropolitan city in the country. Having fled Milwaukee’s bad side at six, my mother was terrified of cities. But remembering the faith pledge, she mustered courage, hiding fear as she hugged me goodbye.

Little did either of us realize God had bigger plans than a building pledge.

Arriving at decrepit LaGuardia, I’d gone from my home in the beginning of nowhere to Manhattan overnight. Little did I know was in for the shock of my life, culture shock that is.

Teresa was no stranger to being a stranger; she knew I’d need a church, though she didn’t attend. After a short stint at one nearby that “didn’t feel right,” she joined me at a mid-size church of about 500 in one of Long Island’s most affluent parts. Their late start time had me questioning if they were legit.

Approaching the entrance, tremendously friendly greeters took me aback. A complete stranger violated my personal bubble with a full-on hug. Being the guest, I assumed she recognized me as a fellow Christian and got too comfortable. I pretended this violation was normal.

In the foyer I learned this wasn’t an isolated incident as a white-haired woman clamped onto my elbow with a death grip, talking mere inches from my face. Me backing up to create space ended with me backed against the wall. I pretended this was normal too. Teresa observed and taught me to extend my foot out versus backing up—an effective tactic I still use.

Finally entering the sanctuary, the church was buzzing, energetic, and passionate. The room was filled with all colors, accents, and types of people from all over the world. Potlucks on subsequent visits would be my first taste of many cuisines from across the globe. I excitedly watched as several were filled with the Holy Spirit and baptized. As service ended, members warmly greeted me.

It was all cool until one beautiful woman in her 20s leaned toward me. Here we go again with the hug, I thought—until her cheek touched mine and I heard a “muah.” If I hadn’t heard it the first time, she switched sides for another “muah.” Pretend like this is normal, pretend like this is normal, I thought as I politely escaped to find Teresa.

“Teresa, I just got kissed by a woman!” I proclaimed with shock across my face. Teresa started laughing hysterically. She laughed so hard she fell backwards across the pew. I was confused.

“You’re from Wisconsin!” she breathed between laughs. I would later learn the hot guys did this also, so I learned to adapt. For all those freaking out, this greeting, the “la bise,”is common.

Teresa’s cultural instruction continued beyond church as she took me to downtown Manhattan, where I encountered my first homeless people, got nasty looks for staring at skyscrapers, and learned the New Yorker death stare. She made me navigate public transit—something I’d never experienced. Soon I was transporting myself to church via train and taxi, alone, at 15.

One stark culture shock moment was traveling to a conference with the youth group. The youth leader casually crossed a busy intersection diagonally…diagonally. When a girl gasped his name, he calmly turned with pure New Yorker style and responded, “Christina, we’re New Yorkers. We’re supposed to be cool, calm, and collected. I’d expect that response from Nicole.”

I learned all my street smarts from New Yorkers. To this day, when I’m in a bind in a big city, I ask: What would a New Yorker do? Additionally, I still have a complex about saying “bag” after 20 New Yorkers tried collectively getting me to say it “correctly.”

Not only did my nanny job pay double what I pledged (returning to Green Bay just in time to pay it), Teresa was the first Ivri I ever met and a God-ordained guide for a future I couldn’t imagine. Having someone from my hometown with the same upbringing to interpret proved invaluable.

While I can’t travel alongside you, I hope to extend that same guidance as we explore 3 factors that shape culture, 7 facets of cultural expression, and tips for navigating a new culture.

Growing up on the other side of the tracks is more than a cliché. Geography is culture’s biggest influence. Dense cities mean smaller personal bubbles. Mountain living breeds athleticism. Flat, easily traveled land creates homogenous norms. A friend and I studied Chicago neighborhoods and found an inner-city section operating as its own cultural enclave because trains don’t run there, making city center travel harder than for suburbanites. There’s even theory that rice versus wheat farming shaped cultural tendencies toward collectivism versus individualism.

All cultures root themselves in shared belief systems, including corporate cultures. What’s acceptable as right or wrong, what deserves praise or shame. Even though cultural participants may not adhere to formal religious practices, cultural foundations echo these morals. For example: Hinduism’s caste system creates drastically different norms than Christianity’s “greatest shall be least” concept. Views of marriage, family, women, money, the poor, and justice are all impacted. Even food—try finding good steak in India. Ignore religion at your peril.

Despite living and working with people worldwide, crossing socio-economic cultures, such as moving from poor to middle class and beyond, has proved most difficult for me. I’ll never forget telling my Mexican friend about the joy of fried bologna on 50-cent terrible white bread. He looked up: “Hey sis, you put that on a tortilla.” People from the same economic class often share more with different cultures than different classes in their own. Economics and politics create lasting cultural effects. Southern Ireland still defines itself by British interaction during the potato famine. Headcheese and Iceland’s fermented shark didn’t start because they sounded good—people were starving. Bánh mì emerged in Vietnam under French rule.

Culture is never straightforward and often a combination of factors results in the unique culture you may engage. For example, alcohol views across Christian churches vary drastically by geography as alcohol persists as a problem in areas with long winters despite belief systems. There are entire denominations, such as the Anglican church, formed out of political expediency. Then you have Appalachia’s rugged terrain and mining’s political collapse that resulted in widespread poverty amongst hillbilly culture.

The above factors express themselves in the following 7 ways. Listed from most obvious, to not so obvious – each of which deserve their own post.

More specifically how people communicate. While learning to translate a language is a good start, truly understanding language requires digging deeper. Knowing how to say clock in Mandarin won’t teach you that “giving a clock” sounds identical to “to attend a funeral” and by giving a clock you’ve wished someone’s death upon them. Similarly, the literal meaning of “bless your heart” won’t tell you that when someone in the deep south says it, they’re essentially flipping you off.

Whether it’s taking shoes off at the door, English tea time, not finding a taxi on Shabbat in Jerusalem, or realizing your Indonesia flights were expensive because you accidentally booked during Ramadan – pay attention to the calendar. Understand major customs and expectations. While many customs originate in religion, shared customs are so widely accepted that nearly all participate, with Christmas being a prime example.

In Germany if you’re not 15 minutes early you’re late, in Latin America, showing up to a party 15 minutes late may still be extremely early. An American joining an Indian for dinner may find themselves starving when they realize dinner won’t be prepared till 9pm. When in doubt, show up early…and carry extra granola bars.

The handshake was invented to show by extending the right hand that there was no weapon. Whereas in many parts of Asia bowing without touching is the only acceptable greeting. The la bise extends throughout southern Europe and Latin America and can be accompanied by multiple hugs – failing to properly respond can come off as a snub. As a native of heavily German influenced Wisconsin, I have seen more false accusations and misunderstandings from cultural clashes over touch than anything else.

Given its role in producing children, the family is the core of any society. Any disruption by you will be met with exclusion if not attacks. While France has laws requiring court orders for paternity tests due to high numbers of affairs, in many middle eastern cultures asking about a man’s wife can be seen as a threat. There’s Latin American machismo – passionate masculine pride, especially regarding protecting a man’s family. Cross it wrong once and you will know. Gender roles are so strong they can influence all the above facets.

Countries like America focus on individual performance whereas many Asian cultures center around the greater good with individuals expected to subordinate their needs to the whole. This manifests in “saving face” – avoiding embarrassing someone in public. It’s common for someone saving face to never tell you no (even if they mean no), refuse to display anger, or avoid pointing out truths. New Zealand’s “tall poppy syndrome” cuts down individuals who excel beyond the norm. This facet becomes super apparent in work and political views.

While all cultures have hierarchy, some see their leaders as divine, others as a necessary evil. It’s not uncommon for cultures to have pictures of the king, president, or pope in living rooms. However, this extends beyond government leaders – there’s nothing like wondering why everyone’s massaging the driver’s shoulders only to realize that by driving he became an authority figure. Just a strong personality can make one the default leader. Be aware: In high trust cultures, leadership comes with expectations.

• Take responsibility for yourself – Don’t burden the locals. See my list 10 Essentials for Traveling to a New Country
• Be aware of the culture shock curve – Truly adapting to a culture takes at minimum 6 – 8 weeks. Most people don’t move past novelty.
• Welcome others’ curiosity of you – They will often reciprocate.
• Learn to observe, when in doubt ask – Be curious, suspend judgement.
• Ask the opinion of others, before giving yours – Avoid yes/no questions (circumvents “saving face”).

• Demonstrate humility, extrude confidence – Signaling respect with things such as sir/ma’am, acknowledging people with a smile, complementing the food, not being buried in your phone, not being difficult with support staff can go a long way in not only learning culture but staying safe…and getting through immigration.
• Dress modestly – When in doubt, wear clothes that cover from shoulders to knees. Don’t wear attention grabbing patterns, styles, or colors. Do not flaunt wealth. Women pack a backup scarf for a head cover.
• Don’t be intimate with people who aren’t your spouse – Just don’t. Proceed with caution before pursuing intercultural relationships. 

While faith and travel can be overwhelming, the world was made to be explored and God to be known. In the process you will find a God who is faithful and that the culture you learn the most is your own.